


No, Regrets... (2006)

by JennyB



Category: Yami No Matsuei
Genre: Angst, Community: 30kisses, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-09
Updated: 2006-07-09
Packaged: 2018-01-05 10:51:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1093009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennyB/pseuds/JennyB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that everything is over, Tsuzuki finds that what he has isn't necessarily what he wants. Tsuzuki-centric introspection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No, Regrets... (2006)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the LJ group "30kisses". Prompt was 'news, letter'.

Tsuzuki sat in the bar nursing his bottle of sake. Hisoka had long ago left him to go to bed, calling him a ‘pathetic booze hound’ behind his stifled yawn. Glancing down at his watch, Tsuzuki noticed that it was almost two in the morning, yet he was far from tired. His mind was still whirling with images from what had happened the previous night in that house. He glanced down at the file folder that sat on the counter in front of him, and he lightly fingered the edge of it. He was glad he had escaped with both his and Hisoka’s lives intact, but he couldn’t help the disappointment he felt at knowing Muraki was gone. He’d received the news just that evening. His colleagues from Meifu that had been assigned to search the debris from the fire had discovered a single set of human remains in the wreckage, charred beyond recognition. The brunette knew he should be happy – after all, Hisoka could begin his healing now – but the truth was, he wasn’t.

He was disgusted with himself for even entertaining the idea that he cared at all about the other man, but despite his personal self-loathing, he couldn’t deny the emptiness he felt deep inside him. Again, he chastised himself. It seemed that his body and his mind couldn’t agree on how he should feel about the whole situation, and that was causing him no small amount of angst. Toying with the small ceramic cup, he thought about the doctor. He hated the way Muraki-sensei used other people – especially Hisoka – to coerce him into doing things, and it infuriated him how the other could use such a simple turn of phrase to snap his self-control and make him lash out impulsively, recklessly. But there was something else about him – something that drew Tsuzuki to him like a moth to a flame. It was dangerous, it was suicidal, but it was just so damned tempting, and he was powerless to resist it.

Refilling his ochoko, he thought back to his first meeting with the man just a few days ago. Tsuzuki had immediately been captivated by the man’s looks. He was a good three or four inches taller than him, solidly build, and with the most captivating silver eyes he had ever seen. But, beyond his physical appearance, he radiated this aura of strength and confidence which Tsuzuki found inherently attractive. And by God, the man had a way of turning him to butter with just a simple touch. If only he didn’t know what the man was really like, he wouldn’t have to feign righteous indignation, claim that he didn’t like it…

Downing his glass of sake, he fought back the blush that stained his cheeks and the tingle of excitement that spread through his body. After a moment, he simply stopped resisting, and permitted himself to indulge in a moment of private fantasy – imagining what it would have felt like to actually kiss that sensual mouth or to touch that body. Slowly, he pressed his fingers against his lips, a half-smile gracing his features as he pictured it, and this time, he didn’t berate himself for it. He figured that the amount of alcohol he had consumed had effectively counteracted any ‘good judgment’ he may have had left and, with the doctor gone, he saw no need to harbour all that guilt about his feelings any more.

He sighed as he poured the last of the sake from the bottle into his cup. Raising it in a private toast, he murmured, “Kanpei, Muraki-sensei,” and then drank silently to his fallen nemesis. For several moments, he stared off into space, his brilliant amethyst eyes welling with tears at the thought. He couldn’t believe it was all over…

“Excuse me…”

Tsuzuki started at the soft, feminine voice and turned to his right to see a petite blonde woman standing there – one of the cocktail waitresses. “I’m sorry,” he murmured sheepishly. “I seem to have lost track of the time. I’ll be on my way in a moment…”

“No no!” she replied kindly. “We’re still open for another hour yet. I was just asked to give this to you.” She handed him a plain, white envelope that had no writing or other distinguishing marks on it.

The brunette furrowed his brow in confusion as he looked around the deserted bar. “By whom?” he enquired.

“By that man right over –“ She trailed off, her own forehead wrinkling. “He must have left…but he was sitting over there not two minutes ago, I swear…”

“Tell me, what did he look like?”

The waitress smiled. “Oh, he was a very nice looking man. Platinum blonde, silver eyes, glasses…dressed all in white…”

Eyes wide, hands trembling slightly, the brunette tore open the envelope and shook out a single sheet of paper. Written in small, perfect script, he read:

_~Don’t mourn my death just yet, Tsuzuki-san. It will take much more than that to get rid of me. When next we meet (and believe me, we will meet again), I’ll join you for that drink. And if you ask me nicely, I’ll even give you that kiss…~_


End file.
